if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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