I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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