please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
