You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
