she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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