You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
