Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
