I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Couch. On fire.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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