god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
