Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
