On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
