$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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