oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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