i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
