You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
