I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
