I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
