No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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