he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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