Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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