i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
