I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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