$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
