chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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