you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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