I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
