end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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