I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Couch. On fire.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
