dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
