I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
There are leaves in my underwear?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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