We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
