I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
