oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
