your thong is hanging out like whoa
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
