We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
