you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
