remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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