My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
