Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
