The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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