He disabled his match.com account in front of me
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
