i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
