To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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