This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
