I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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