haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Fuck appropriateness.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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