Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
COCAINE IS GR8
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Panties = found
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
