I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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