Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You made out with two different species that night
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
