fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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