I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
